In Memory I Do Not Exist
by pikajay
Summary: Kurama reflects on his decision in erasing Maya's memory. Oneshot


**Summary**: Kurama reflects on his decision in erasing Maya's memory.

**Warning**: Contains spoilers for the Two Shot at the end of Volume Seven.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Yu Yu Hakusho_ (© Yoshihiro Togashi).

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In Memory I Do Not Exist

'_You will forget all about this incident, and ... you'll forget about the love you had for me.'_ ~ Kurama

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Your scent, your smile, your eagerness; I remember it all. Your stubbornness, your loyalty, your understanding; I remember them too. But ..._ you_ don't, do you? You don't even know yourself ... all because of me. I didn't know for how long you had loved me; I just wanted to protect you. So when I erased your love for me ... I didn't realise that I had completely erased my existence from your mind. Do you know how much this is hurting me? Of course you don't; you don't even know I exist. I was only lucky that you had to move within that month; the look of confusion ... unfamiliarity ... can't you see you're making my lips bleed ... my heart scream?

But I know I made the right choice. Your sixth sense began to dim and you began to believe less in the occult. You turned into a normal human teenager, as you should be. You never spoke to me. I was merely the most popular boy in school; you were merely the most popular girl in school. And yet, we never talked personally, never attempted to approach the other. I was afraid, did you know? I was afraid to lose you. I didn't want to endanger your life by being near you. I ... I didn't want you to find out about what I was.

You said the slime demon was hideous. You said it was the most revolting thing you've ever seen. Is that how you viewed all demons? Was I disgusting to you? No ... you said that you loved me, but ... you didn't know the truth. You thought I was a human with supernatural powers, someone who was gifted. I'm not gifted. For over three thousand years I have witnessed and carried through theft, betrayal, death. For two thousand years, I was one of the most feared demons of the Makai. I'm not gifted, just old. And you're young and naive, so even if you did keep your memories of me, you'll never truly understand.

You're the first human child who has ever attempted a serious friendship with me, did you know? Everyone else merely stared at me from afar, their eyes full of respect, envy, lust, and pride. But you ... that day when you approached me, your eyes were full of joy and charisma I didn't notice the tint of love within them. If I had, I would have refused your offer to join you for lunch. I wouldn't have attempted to be close to you. But ... love is a foreign emotion to me. I guess it can't be much of a surprise that I didn't notice it; I didn't even notice it in my own mother's eyes until that fateful incident those years ago. And I said you were naive...

This may sound strange from a demon such as myself, but ... I miss you. I really do. I missed how you would try to get me to socialise, how you would walk with me after school even though your house was in the other direction, how you would comment on the rose bushes. Your presence was soothing, like as if I was floating inside a protective bubble. I didn't think you realised this, but you helped me understand a little more about humans. The way teenagers should act and what their interests were. Even our classmates noticed how much I had opened up ever since that day you invited for lunch. That's why there are so many people asking why we are avoiding each, don't you see? You would shrug and claim that you didn't know me. You didn't, but everyone else assumed we had a fall out. I guess we did, in a way.

I want you to realise that you had helped me in so many ways. You helped me realise the importance of survival for humans and their short life span. You taught me why humans were considered warm-blooded. You, like my ever-loving mother, made me understand ... the significance of companionship.

Kitajima Maya ... It's been so long since I've last spoken with you, since I've last seen you. I wonder how you are doing. Are you safe? Are you well? Have you found someone else of whom you wish to be with? I will never know. That is why I regret erasing your memories; I will never be able to become one of your precious people. I guess ... it's all for the best.

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"Oi! Wait up! Why are you in such a hurry?"

A young woman, followed by a young man, ran through the park, dodging bystanders along the way. Her short chestnut brown hair swayed as the wind was caught into it, her hazel eyes sparkling in excitement. Hearing the man's voice she skidded to a stop, startling a couple of birds and a man on a bench.

"Because it's been so long since I've been here! I want to take in everything before I have to leave again!"

The young man finally caught up and began to take in rapid breathes, slightly miffed at the fact that the girl didn't show any sign of tiredness. "But we have plenty of time. You don't have to go so fast."

The female pouted, throwing in puppy-dog eyes for extra effect. "But I _want_ to! Can't you see how much this city can affect someone?" At the man's questioning look, she continued. "This city ... there's something about it creates a hold on you, like it wants to make sure you're happy no matter what. Also ... I feel like I'm missing something, like I've left something behind. I know it might sound weird, but I want to find out what it is."

The man, having finally regained his posture approached her and placed her in a tight embrace. "I see," he muttered into her hair as felt the woman in his arms relax. "I'm sorry if I did anything to hinder your search."

The woman shook her head and looked up with her hazel eyes. "You weren't a hindrance; I'm glad you came with me."

The two stood like that for a while before they decided that they had wasted enough time and proceeded to leave the park. The woman smiled at the man's caring nature ... before she froze suddenly and turned her eyes in the direction of the bench. The man, confused, followed her line of sight and frowned when he noticed the man on the bench give them an unreadable look. He tucked on her hand, attempting to coax her into walking again, but she remained rooted to the spot, her hazel eyes locked onto the emerald orbs of the stranger's. A shiver was sent through her body before she lowered her head in confusion and began to head out on her own, further confusing her companion. The man watched her go for a while before he sent a glare at the stranger and left to follow her.

The stranger leaned back on the bench as he watched the couple go, a wistful smile dancing on his lips as the wind began to play with the strands of his long, red hair.

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**AN**: There really is no structure to this story, merely writing what came to mind. This is just my interpretation on Kurama's decision, because I honestly don't know why he erased Maya's memories and not his mother's as well if he's afraid of demon's attacking them. Why I wrote this? Don't know; I guess I was just bored. Anyways, hope you liked it and dropped a review along the way.


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